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The First World Problem of Electric Lawn Mowers

November 25, 2012

No sense in hiding it any longer. I hate electric lawn mowers. They are the bane of my existence. I despise them.

People often ask me:

People: Mark, you must love New Zealand because you don’t have to shovel snow.

Mark: No, I love shovelling snow. It’s amazing. You get a work out. It’s Canadian. I love it. You know what I hate?

People: What?

Mark: Mowing the lawn. That’s what.

People: But mowing the lawn is amazing!

Mark: You have a petrol (gas) lawn mower?

People: Of course.

Mark: Yeah, well I have an electric mower.

People: Oh…..

The problem gets worse: NZ is a gardener’s paradise. You could have whatever the complete opposite of a green thumb is and still grow an epic garden. Grass grows FAST. The weather is so conducive to growing things here that my solid concrete out front grows plants. That’s how crazy it is.

And I have an electric lawn mower.

You may be asking: But what’s so bad about an electric lawn mower? I live in Antarctica and know not of what you speak. Well let me tell you:

– You always have to watch out for the cord
– Dolphins don’t like electric lawn mowers.
– The cord is annoying
– All bad music is caused by electric lawn mowers
– You have to hold the cord
– Bad grades come from electric lawn mowers.
– There is a cord
– World War II was an electric lawn mower’s fault.
– Did I mention the cord?

But at least they’re better than push lawn mowers…. 🙂

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