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Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus, The Pinnacle of Human Greatness

November 12, 2013


So recently I saw what is probably the greatest achievement of humankind ever achieved in the history of the planet. I saw the landmark film, Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus. I honestly have no idea why I waited so long to watch this. Here’s the trailer:

Jaleel White of Family Matters (Steve Urkel) & Sonic the Hedgehog fame and Robert Picardo, the holo doctor from Star Trek Voyager, give the performances of their careers.

Now I’m not quite sure how to review such a masterpiece. Do I tell you about the emotional depth of the characters? The special effects that make Avatar look like a b-grade movie from 1912? The epic musical score that John Williams and Hans Zimmer would only dream about being able to compose? The watertight script with no plot holes or ridiculous over-the-top concepts (a first in my experience of watching movies)?

No. All I can say in review is that if I had seen this before my children were born I would have little Mega Shark, Crocosaurus, and Megalodon running around my house instead of the obviously lesser names that we chose.

There’s really only one criticism any rational person could make of this work of art, and that’s the title. See, this movie is a sequel to the movie Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus (2009), and well, we know who obviously won in that movie now don’t we?

If you feel like your life has been going nowhere lately, watch this masterpiece. It may change fundamentally how you view humanity and thus, change your life.


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